Adjust rack to top position and preheat oven to 425 degrees. Wash and dry produce.

Peel, trim, and cut carrots on a diagonal into ½-inch-thick pieces.

Toss carrots on a baking sheet with a large drizzle of oil, salt, and pepper.

Roast on top rack until tender, 20-25 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a small pot (medium pot for 4 servings), combine rice, 1¼ cups water (2¼ cups for 4), and a pinch of salt. Bring to a boil, then cover and reduce to a low simmer. Cook until rice is tender, 15-18 minutes.

Keep covered off heat until ready to serve.

While rice cooks, trim and thinly slice scallions, separating whites from greens. Peel and mince or grate garlic. Remove and discard any large stems from kale; chop into bite-size pieces.

Heat a drizzle of oil in a large, preferably nonstick, pan over medium-high heat. Add scallion whites and garlic; cook, stirring, until fragrant, 30 seconds.

Stir in kale, half the soy sauce (save the rest for serving), and ¾ cup water (1½ cups water for 4 servings). Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until most of the liquid has evaporated and kale is wilted and tender, 6-8 minutes.

Stir in 1 TBSP butter and ¼ tsp sesame oil (2 TBSP butter and ½ tsp sesame oil for 4). Season with salt and pepper to taste. Turn off heat; transfer to a bowl. Wash out pan.

While kale cooks, mix mayonnaise, gochujang, and ⅛ tsp sugar (¼ tsp for 4 servings) in a small bowl. Add water 1 tsp at a time until mixture reaches a drizzling consistency.

Taste and season with salt and pepper if desired.

Heat a drizzle of oil in pan used for kale over medium heat. Once hot, crack eggs* into pan and cover. Fry eggs to preference. Season with salt and pepper.

Fluff rice with a fork. Stir in half the sesame seeds (all for 4 servings).

Divide rice between bowls; top with kale, roasted carrots, and fried eggs in separate sections. Drizzle gochujang mayo over kale and carrots and sprinkle with crispy fried onions. Garnish everything with scallion greens. Serve with remaining soy sauce on the side. (This dish is meant to be mixed in the bowl before being enjoyed!)