Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Wash and dry produce.

Trim and thinly slice scallions, separating whites from greens. Peel and mince or grate garlic.

Heat a drizzle of oil in a medium pot over high heat. Add coleslaw mix and cook, stirring constantly, until lightly charred, 1-2 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

Heat a drizzle of oil in pot used for cabbage over medium-high heat. Add scallion whites and garlic; cook, stirring occasionally, until fragrant, 20-30 seconds.

Add pork*, half the sesame seeds, and ¼ tsp salt (½ tsp for 4 servings); cook, breaking up meat into pieces, until browned and cooked through, 5-7 minutes.

Open package of chicken* and drain off any excess liquid. Swap in chicken for pork; cook, stirring occasionally (no need to break up into pieces!), until browned and cooked through, 4-6 minutes.

Once pork is done, add Szechuan paste and peanut butter; cook, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned and combined, 1-2 minutes.

Stir in pork ramen stock concentrate, chicken stock concentrate, and 2½ cups water (4½ cups for 4 servings). Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low. Cook, stirring occasionally, until slightly thickened, 2-4 minutes.

Taste and season with salt and pepper if necessary.

Once salted water is boiling, add half the noodles (all for 4 servings) to pot. Cook until tender, 1-2 minutes.

Drain noodles; rinse under cold water for 30 seconds.

Divide noodles between large soup bowls. Pour broth over noodles and top with charred cabbage. Garnish with scallion greens, remaining sesame seeds, and chili flakes to taste. Serve.